Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
