What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You're like the curious george of whores
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
