apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
