Barsexuality is the new black.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
