I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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