She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
