Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
how does that bad decision feel?
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