I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
