You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize