hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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