8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
