You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
