The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
