We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize