I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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