I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
