Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
