He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
