I hate your face
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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