I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I will be naked everywhere
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
