Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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