I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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