I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
