im holly from the hills drunk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
