Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
