I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
