dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
