I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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