evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
