Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
