So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
