Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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