You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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