so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
