That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
