Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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