Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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