you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
