My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
