I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
