I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
