Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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