in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
