I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
