DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize