Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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