When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
