I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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