it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
