This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
