I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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