its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
