I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
