I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
