I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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