i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
