If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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