Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
