awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
