i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
