There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize