eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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