if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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