I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
