She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
