Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
