I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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