so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I want to fling myself into the sun
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
