Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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