I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
