i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
