i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
