I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
is it fun? or sober?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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