then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
