Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
